The 40 Year Gap

This is a continuation of my journey through the thoughts, feelings and experiences contemplating adding a third child to our family. My initial post provides a glimpse into the reality and the joke of this question for our family.

If I have a third baby….we will have 40 years between us. I feel pretty awesome at my age but thinking about this age gap as the child grows up makes me sad and reluctant to have another child. I don’t want to have that gap, I want to be there physically and mentally for my child as they get older.

My mom was young at 21 when she had me and she was so youthful. Our life was very active, we went camping, swimming, rollerblading and doing lots of fun things as I grew up. She died before meeting my children and it is something I can’t reconcile for a lot of reasons. My children will never know their maternal grandmother. Nor will they know their paternal abuelo (grandfather in Spanish) since my husband’s father also passed away before our children were born.

I remember all my grandparents and even my great grandmother. I have memories with them all. My two kids are making great memories with their maternal grandfather and my step-mother as well as their paternal grandmother. I feel confident they will remember these grandparents but as I think about my children having babies….will this age gap hinder my relationship with my own grandchildren?

If my kids (especially if I have another one) wait as long as I did to have children….I will be close to 80 before I meet a grandchild. Who knows if that child will ever remember me? And for this reason, I question whether I want another child. I want to be present in my children’s and grandchildren’s lives, fully and happily. I want to have that feeling that my grandchildren learned something from me, that there will be some kind of “Abuela/Grandmother Nicole” legacy that they will continue like I have from my grandparents.

This is when I get really mad at our infertility struggles. Why couldn’t I have had babies WHEN we started.

Or maybe I will have a third and then brainwash them to have grandbabies very early. Maybe that will be my plan….that is a good plan.

This is a continuation of my journey through the thoughts, feelings and experiences contemplating adding a third child to our family. My initial post provides a glimpse into the reality and the joke of this question for our family. I also question The 40 Year Gap and discuss how our family is Comfortable as a Family of Four. I also share our Pregnancy Fire Drill that happened a few months ago. I really struggle if I should go in The Bubble when trying to conceive. I then asked the question, “Can Facebook Help Me Get Pregnant?” My husband and I also consider Is Gender Selection for Us or Just for Fun? Then we tried my Trifecta for Getting Pregnant and it worked!!!

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7 thoughts on “The 40 Year Gap”

  1. I love your post and understand your concerns. I think sometimes we over think and over plan; missing out on blessings because of worry. I am not saying you should or shouldn’t do it, but don’t make your decision solely based on fear of “the gap”. Your mom taught you unconditional love, living life to the fullest, and the importance of laughter. Those things, no matter what age you are, will always be a part of you!

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