Today’s Twinzone Tuesday post is actually an empathetic salute to my singleton son. When all my friends were expecting their second child, I remember their excitement in preparing their older sibling, and I observed the trials and tribulations of many friends incorporating a newborn into the family and introducing them to the older sibling…..Sadly, very few know what an older singleton has to go through with having younger twin siblings enter the picture! Well, I do and it is doubly difficult!!
Every Valentine’s Day is extra special to me because my singleton was born just days before Valentine’s day. Two years later, our amazing surprise of twins were born, and there is so much to say and experience with twins that I now dedicate every Tuesday to just writing about being in the TwinZone. However, the allurement of twinship can be emotionally costly to other siblings in the family. One reason why I named my experience TwinZone, is that it’s a venture for all family members included and no one is excluded from that.
Being family focused, I’ve spent many days worrying about how my singleton child feels and will feel about their position in a family with multiples. My pregnancy with the twins was hard and my singleton son was still so young, just two years of age, when I brought the twins home. He was used to having my full attention and focus and this all went away with the twins and a travelling husband. It was hard for my singleton. Adapting to one new sibling is not easy for any child, especially one so young, so just try and imagine how difficult it was to adapt to two new siblings instantaneously. Alone time with him no longer existed and I had no energy to give after around the clock newborn twin care. It was beyond hard (for both of us!) and I will always carry some guilt of instant neglect. I think some of that neglect caused my singleton child to act out more because there were two newborns on mom’s arms and not an arm left to hold or put around him.
When they say that nothing can prepare you for twins, well nothing can prepare a young toddler for twin siblings and nothing can prepare a mother for how hard it is to handle the isolation of that older singleton when twins come along.
I’ve made very specific adaptations in our family to make sure he feels just one of three amigos, or extra special because of the twins, but not that it is him vs the twins. Several posts listing tricks we’ve utilized to do this will be posted in some upcoming TwinZone Tuesdays.
Just right now, today, for TwinZone Tuesday I wanted to write an acknowledging love post to my amazing singleton. He is so very special and unique, and is an amazing older brother. Thinking about that other special child of ours who gave me the inspiration to blog in the beginning, my compadre to play board games with when the twins nap, nighttime snuggler when daddy is traveling, my first born, my precious singleton in the TwinZone.